FEED ME SKINNY

today is such a bad day. i finished lectures at 11 and have been binging since i got back. i dont know why. i feel disgusting. i feel fat. i hate this. i couldnt stop. i just ate and ate then i had to get it out of my system. i feel shit.

shit

shit

I’m so angry at myself. That I can’t be perfect. That what I want is never going to come. Because it doesn’t exist. what is the point in me now??

I’m never going to LET myself feel like this EVER again. I so fucking dumb.

I FEEL GUILTY FOR EVERY SINGLE THING I EAT.

I DONT WANT TO EAT ANYTHING.

I have two friends. They are small. They are skinny. And they are beautiful. I don’t know why they are my friends because I look so out of place when I am with them. I feel like I don’t belong with the skinny people. I’ve never felt so shit.

i always dream about how much better clothes look on me if i was skinny.

what are you doing to me? thats what i asked you

what am i going to do with you, i told you i was a silly girl. i told you never to come to my room but still you pushed it and came into me. you made me feel so comfortable like you understood me. like you wanted what i wanted.

but now you are gone. back where you came from-your home. like nothing ever happened, like me and you never met, i just feel so lost, lonely again. by myself,

i don’t know why i do this to myself. when i knew what was going to happen. but i took that risk. and it wasn’t how i wanted it to end. nothing like i wanted it to be. I want to forget you too.

i don’t know what to do anymore, i don’t know who to be anymore.

i feel used,

i was so hooked. but you don’t want me.

im going to leave it. and leave you. i hope you comeback to me, cause i know inside i have given myself to you too easily. that is my regret.

i can feel it coming. i have eaten too much again.

i cant sleep tonight if i dont do it. i have to do it.

im going to do it now. before i change my mind. im doing it again =(

Avoid this guy at all costs. Then maybe over time your attraction will wane and eventually disappear.

ahh today i had a good start then just went down hill (kind of)

• Breakfast

2X weetabix 117

• Lunch

Congee 200

tiger bread 300

• Dinner

spinach 20

• Fruit

200

837 calories

ahh i want to eat less!!

tomorrow i will eat less!!

• Breakfast

2X weetabix 117

• Lunch

1 toast + nutella 88+100

• Dinner

Congee + oat biscuit 300+50

• Fruit

slice of Mango . kiwi . 50+25

750 CALORIES

Yay acceptable amount of calories i reckon. considering i’ve been binging then purging for the past week. I went on a little bike ride with my mummy and didn’t really feel too hungry today.

i weighed myself and im 62kg as of today. luckily i didn’t gain any weight over the binge and purge period over the exam period.i want to be 60kg by next Thursday! so hopefully i won’t let myself down.

im soo happy exams are over so i can concentrate on this =)

by the way im going on holiday in 12 days!!! so i NEED to weigh less even if its just a few KG!

x <3

okay the bulk of exams are finally over just got 2 more left

im counting as of tomorrow and no fucking exam can get in the way.

i need to weigh myself tomorrow because i’ve been forced to go back to eating normally the past 2 or so weeks. arghhh i feel like a beast ready to attack this diet plan ahahaa 

i just want to see result. i was thinking about getting them diet pills adios??? has anyone tried diet pills, if so has it helped?

ahhh im excited about thinningggg =)

xoxo

this week has been hell.

exams are killing me! i’ve purged a few time and not getting any lower then the 62kg mark.

i will make a promise to myself i will get to 55kg by september

iam waiting for this torture to be over, exams are a bitch because you need food to keep you going!

will be blogging daily hopefully starting next week

i cannot wait to start counting calories again. it was going so well before.

oxoxo

I WISH

1. i had thinner legs
2. i had a toned stomach
3. my cheek bones are more defined
4. the flab on my arms were gone
5. my bum was smaller
6. the scar above my lip would go away
7. my skin was better
8. my arms were less hairy
9. my stretch marks would go away
10. my pelvis bones were more defined
11. my nose was a better shape
12. my eyebrows were under control
13. my lips were smaller
14. i was 2 inches taller
15. the spots on my arms would disappear
16. i was rich
17. i was funnier
18. i was prettier
19. i was more lovable
20. everyone loves me
21. i had more friends
22. i was more out going
23. i was happier
24. i am smarter
25. i could do ballet
26. i could play the piano
27. i could speak another language
28. FINALLY ———> I WISH I LOVED MYSELF

…..

Sorry i’ve not been blogging daily guys, i have exams to prepare for the next 3 weeks so have been patchy with the diet.

i weighed myself yesterday and am happy to say im down to 62 kg!!! (136 lbs!!)

WOW WEE i wasn’t expecting that after Monday and Tuesdays binge/purge

i will promise to get back onto daily updates soon! but revision is just a priority at the moment!

today -

Breakfast

2x weetabix 120

Lunch

oat biscuits 300

dinner

apple 72

=492

i feel hunger. but its good. im loosing weight!! 

hope to get down to 60kg by next wednesday =) but no guarantees as i need to eat for exams =(

i can’t wait till exams are over. then i will do much more exercise!!

stay strong and think thin!!

xxx <3

lets forget these two days.

nothing went as planned. i went to a BBQ and ate too much. i felt sick. i hate myself for it. i went out for a friends birthday meal and got into old habits again. i felt sick of my self i looked at my reflection as we walked by the shops after and i needed the toilet. i needed the toilet. i went into a supermarket. i went to the toilet. i made sure no one was there and i made myself sick. i wanted to get rid of the fat. i didn’t want the fat to stick to me. I DON’T NEED ANY MORE to be stuck on me.

tomorrow will be better. 100 times better.

i will not do this- i won’t go out to eat. because i get possessed by something i don’t like.

hmm i will weigh myself tomorrow. i hope i don’t let myself down.

i wish i was one of them girl that can eat non-stop and not get fat.

i hate my genes i hate my body

xxx

Today, i couldn’t stop thinking about the next meal, even though i wasn’t hungry! i can’t stop thinking about food! but its okay. i have been able to resist all sweets, chocolates, fizzy drinks for the past 5 days which i’m happy about.

although im sticking around the 800 cal mark, i’m not really feeling the kind of hunger pain i initially thought i would get. I feel that i should be starving!! (considering i’m now eating around half the calories i did before.) but i suppose thats a good thing right? unless i’m doing something wrong?.

today=

Breakfast

2x weetabix 120

apple 72

2x kiwi 50

Lunch

Bread 174

Tuna 50

Dinner

Fish 100?

Tofu 70

=636

okay 36 over my target. but i don’t car because i think im abit harsh counting the fruit anyways.

i’ve but some bananas in the freezer after reading someones post last night. i’ll have it for breakfast i think =)i’ll update you on how i find it.

physically, i don’t see much difference to myself. i still see the flab and rolls when i sit. but hey. i should be more optimistic cause we can’t get skinny overnight right?? arghhh hope you guys are keeping to your individual goals! i think tomorrow im going to ban calories after 5 am. anyone want to join me with that?

x

hey everyone, today was hard. i had a fair amount of cals earlier and still feeling kind of hungry! I’ll brush my teeth after this post to hopefully stop me from snacking.

anyway, this was my day =

Breakfast

Fish + vermicelli noodles 400

Lunch

Apple 72

2x Kiwi 50

Weetabix 55

Dinner

lamb steak 200

bread 80

=875

i’ve gone over my limit of 800 which really sucks. i think i’ll make tomorrows limit 600 to compensate for the crap i’ve eaten today. the steak was a killer though. my dad makes the best steaks and the smell was enough to make me forget the fucking calories. but only for a few moments. once i had the last bite, my heart sake with the realisation of what i had eaten. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I need more self control.

i don’t want to feel like this again. i must make the next few weeks worth it.

i hope everyone else had a good day.

THINK THIN THINK THIN!!

xxx <3

this was my 800 cal challenge!! it was a bummer cause i woke up with hunger pain. i decided to fight it off with tumblr photos. it worked! horahhh i re-posted the photo of the day. i love this photo! it helped me through the day =D

Breakfast

1 weetabix 55

apple 72

Lunch

chicken salad (no dressing) 102

Bread 74

Dinner

rice 200

salad+veg 102

=623!!!!! ahh im pretty darn pleased with that =D

my family don’t know of my calorie counting, i don’t think they suspect anything yet.

i will do a weigh in next Wednesday to let you know how im going.

THINK THIN!!!! THINK THIN!!!!!!!!!

we WILL do this =D

xxx <3

Happy 52nd Birthday today dad!! =) i know its no excuse but i couldn’t help but tuck into a slice of cake =D i kept to the plan and ate the smallest slice too! i slipped in a cup of green tea before a 20 min jog =)

Breakfast

1/2 pack instant noodles 300

boiled spinach 47

pork 72

Lunch

Birthday cake 250

bits n’ bobs 100

peach 36

Dinner

4x Vietnamese spring roll 160

=1029

i know its below the recommended amount (2000) but i think im going to limit myself to 800 from today, just to keep to schedule =D

I’m currently watching the music channel with my 10 year old cousin, his singing along to Timberlands song with Justin Timberlake (Carry Out) and i couldn’t help but cringe when i sang along to the words “have it your way foreplay before i feed your appetite”

right at that moment i just imagined a scene where he just turns around and asks me “what does foreplay mean??” ahh dear……good job he didn’t!

children are fed so much shit these days………><

meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the 800 cal task tomorrow……NATTTTT =/

NOTE TO SELF-

“NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS” i must remember this quote each time temptation arises

the pictures posted by you guys are so inspirational! i look at every single one =)

xxx